I wrote this awhile back before I ever had a blog and though I would post it for you guys to see what you thought.. tell me what you think!
There is a time in everyone’s life that they want to give up depending on what’s happening to them. We all have those days where we just think we can’t pull through; but we do. Sometimes these days have a way of repeating themselves. For those who have this problem, at some point they reach their “alright that’s enough!” moment and realize what they have to do to stop these times. I have recently had my “alright that’s enough!” moment.
My way of coming about it is a bit strange; I just told myself
‘alright Megan enough is enough why are you suffocating
yourself in the bad, when you have the good reaching out to
help you’. I was finally fed up with my pessimist self, thank
god.
The reason why I finally started seeing it this way is largely
due to having my two best friends Kayla and Dale (now my boyfriend) beside me to support and
encourage me to have the strength to deal with everything that comes my way. Kayla is like
my twin, and Dale my polar opposite, with this combination of differences and similarities it
gave me the view of someone who has the exact same view as me, and one who has the opposite,
I get to see both and it changes how I think of things.
You see, I was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis at three months months old. When diagnosed
this young you don’t know much else, you learn to think your life is almost normal. I didn’t have
any big complications as I was growing after I was diagnosed until that first year of school when I
was 5 years old. Within a matter of weeks of being exposed to 20 other kids’ germs I landed with
an infection putting me into the hospital. My first hospital stay since I was diagnosed. After a 17
day period I was out and stayed out with minor complications until I reached fourth grade. Then
again, I was kept in for 17 days with IV antibiotics, then sent home with increased lung functions in the mid 90’s. After which I again was doing fairly well until seventh grade, the beginning of a new school. The problem was the same; decreased lung function. Sure enough with a 14 day stay my lung functions came right back up and I was back into the swing of things.
In Spring of 2009 with me now a grade eight student at the same school, I came across a whole new set of problems. With traveling to different classrooms every hour for a new class, problems became obvious; I was having SUCH a hard time walking the three flights of stairs. I then started taking some form of an oral antibiotic for three weeks which failed to work. Into the hospital I go. You see, my doctor believes that after 14 – 17 days in the hospital, there isn’t much more of any improvement, so I did my stay with the IV antibiotics, arousals and physiotherapy three times a day along with some oral antibiotics, but had no budge in my lung functions. At the end of this 17 day stay, my lung functions go up by about 10%, I was then sitting at roughly 75% FEV1. Frustrated mom and I then packed my things back up to head home. For the next three months I continued going into clinic every 2-3 weeks to get a lung function test to see if I had improvements by just oral antibiotics at home.
In July of 2009, my symptoms increased causing a ‘tight’ feeling in my chest. I was given Prednisone by my family doctor; my respiratory doctor was away. I had absolutely hated the prednisone, I wasn’t myself on it, I was extremely anxious and I wasn't getting noticeable relief. I was taken back into the hospital. After an x-ray was taken they found that I had a little bit of fluid in my lungs and that the lower left lung and middle right lung were my ‘problem’ areas. This time we would try something different. Instead of my normal IV antibiotic I was put on two different ones, an oral antibiotic, a new type of Physio, a Tobra nebulizer, and was to use a new machine the hospital had to create a speaker like wave to ‘rattle and move’ the secretions in my chest. I was in the hospital for 21 days exactly; my longest stay yet, and it was summer.
There was a lot going on in my life at this point and I started seeing who my real friends were for sure. There were a lot of people that were in my life that I rarely saw that summer, they just weren’t there for the support that I needed. Looking back I regret taking things the way I did. I ended up getting depression. It only got worse when I still was not feeling any better. My social worker at clinic was always someone who I could trust and talk to, and she thought it was best to send me to see a therapist. I only went to his session once, but it was what I really needed for someone to just listen and not judge me. All in all, he kept me pointed towards those two friends.
Kayla and Dale are two of the most supportive and understanding people you could ever meet, and they are exactly who you want on your side. They have stuck with me through everything, from when I am in a crazy mood from prednisone to me just feeling so blah and not knowing where to turn. I couldn’t ask for two better friends. Kayla and Dale are my support and courage to go through everything with stride and a smile on my face; I owe all my happiness and fun times and the smile on my face to having them. Now in early 2010 I can’t say I’ve had a great start to my year. I have been in the hospital for 2 weeks, and completely missed 2 whole months of school in my grade 9 year, but I am pushing through.
If I didn’t meet Kayla through an old friend 3 years ago, or Dale through an Ex a year ago, I don’t know where I would be standing in my life at this moment. The biggest change thing I see now because of them is that with the time, effort, and patience they have put into me, they deserve for me to put the same energy back into my life. Help someone else like they helped me; help to see the light, because there is always someone else having a harder time and worse off than I am.
If you guys wanna know where I am at now, be sure to comment and I will write another blog like this :)
Live.Laugh.Love.Breathe
cfprincess xxo
PS - I decided since it is Cystic Fibrosis Awareness Month, I will write in either blue or purple all month :) Also in the picture is Dale and Kayla, :)
