Everything is just..

..so difficult.

I had SOOO much fun at prom with Dale. It was a day where we both got to be happy and get our pictures taken with a couple friends and dance together and just have a good time. After prom we went out for supper at jackastors with the same friends and just all around, it was SUCH a good time.

So of course it had to end.

Once I got home and was settled down I realized that my throat was really sore, but I just shrugged it off thinking it was from being at the dance and talking loud, laughing and all that. When I woke up the next morning my throat was more sore and I had a bit of a stuffed up nose and a cough. By the end of the day on Thursday I started having increased pain in my chest. Friday was the same deal, except the pain was a tad worse. Then yesterday June 26th, my 15th birthday, I went to upper clements.

I had another awesome day (I went to the park with Dale) and seemed to actually get along fine with the help of some advil and tylenol. Well, I got along fine until The 3 hour bus ride home.

As soon as we were in the bus pretty much, the pain hit me wickedly. I was leaned over and just couldnt get comfortable, yet didn't want to move because it hurt so bad. I ended up leaning over just holding my sides just trying SO hard not to cry at every movement, and to also not freak out at everything. I don't know if everyone can quiet get where I am coming from, but it is so hard to stay calm or act like you give a crap about anything when you are in pain. Although I didn't mean to I ended up throwing an ipod and headphones at dale for not getting it, which is no fault of his own. It seemed like so much longer then it was on the drive home, and I just wanted to lay down. Once off the bus mom didn't know weather to take me back home to rest or to emergency, but we decided on going home, which was a good thing.

Earlier this morning pretty much right after I woke up my mother called the Dr on call because I was still having really bad chest pain. To sum up their conversation, he said that there are NO beds available, and that we will have to have an appointment tomorrow even though he is flooded with patients...can't say that makes me feel to confident about anything. I'm not sure where I stand lately, one day i'm okay the next im not, even minute to minute it changes depending on how I am sitting and who I have with me.

I just really wish I would get admitted and they would keep me in until they knew what in the hell was wrong with me. This time I would like to see them actually put me on IV antibiotics, kill the pain with pills so that I can do some productive airway clearance, get PFT's done, and know what kind of bugs I am growing. This time I need to demand better for myself. I wish they knew better then I do instead of feeling like I know what I need better then the doctors do.

But my pain is getting to be extremly unbearable, so I am out for the night!

Live.Laugh.Love.Breathe.

cfprincess xxo